For Muslim Mums

Children In The Masjid

2007-05-12T09:03:00.000+01:00

Didn't the prophet (SAW) show us how best to behave from his sunnah? MashaAllah.

Nowadays, it is unfortunate that in many masjids both brothers and sisters are annoyed at the presence of children. A cry from a baby or a roaming toddler can sometimes illicit a rude comment. As always, our best example is the prophet (saws). These hadith illustrate the prophet (saws) attitude at the presence of children in the masjid.

The Messenger of Allah (saws) came out to us for one of the two later prayers (dhuhr or asr), carrying Hasan or Hussein. The Prophet (saws) then came to the front and put him down (next to his right foot) said takbir for the prayer and commenced praying. During the prayer, he performed a very long prostration, so I raised my head and there was the child, on the back of the Messenger of Allah (saws), who was in prostration. I then returned to my prostration. When the Messenger of Allah (saws) had offered the prayer, the people said: 'O Messenger of Allah! in the middle of your prayer, you performed prostration and lengthened it so much that we thought either something had happened or that you were receiving revelation!' He said: 'Neither was the case. Actually, my son made me his mount, and I did not want to hurry him until he had satisfied his wish.'" (Reported by Nasaa'i, Ibn Asaakir, and Haakim)

"He (the Prophet (saws)) was praying. When he performed sajdah, Hasan and Hussein jumped onto his back. When the people tried to stop them, he gestured them to leave the two alone. After offering his prayer, he placed them in his lap and said, 'Whoever loves me should love these two.'" (Reported by Ibn Khuzaimah and Baihaqi)

"The Messenger of Allah (saws) was praying and he was carrying Umama the daughter of Zainab, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, and she was the daughter of 'As ibn Rabi'a ibn Abdu-Shams. When he prostrated, he put her down, and when he stood, he carried her (on his neck)." (Reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

"The Prophet (saws) said: 'When I stand for prayer, I intend to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to trouble the child's mother.'" (Reported by Bukhari)

Encouraging Children To Pray

Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-Asr, narrated that the Apostle of Allah (saw) said, "Command your children to make salah when they become seven years old, and spank them for it (salah) when they become ten years old, and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately." (Abu Dawud)

Informal teaching should start when child starts to show interest usually occurs around the age of two.
Let them pretend to make salah.
Invite them to pray along side and join the family jemaah prayer.
The next step is to learn al-Fatihah which should begin around the age of three or four. Break down the instructions by using reasonable number of verses or small segments.
The practice session should only last between 5 to 15 minutes. At this age consistency is more important than length of practice.
Important to remember that not all children are ready at the same time and that not everyday will the child be ready to learn new materials.
Educational products can assist parents in achieving success with their children because children generally learn in different ways therefore introduction of material through different format (video, coloring book, going to the masjid) will help ease and reinforce the learning process.
One of the most important thing that a parent should do is to praise the child for each accomplished task and encouragement to achieve more success.

Being Fair and Just with Our Children

The Messenger of Allah (saws), also said: "Treat your child equally, treat your child equally, treat your child equally." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Ibn Hibban)

Al-Nu'man ibn Bashir said: "My father conferred upon me a slave as a gift. He took me to Allah Messenger (saws), to get a witness. The Messenger of Allah said, 'Have you given a gift to every son of yours such as you have awarded Al-Nu'man?' He my father said, 'No.' The Messenger of Allah said, 'Be mindful of your obligation to Allah and do justice in respect of your children.' My father came back and revoked his gift." (Agreed upon)

Usama bin Zaid (ra) narrated: Allah Messenger (saws) used to put me on (one of) his thighs and Hasan bin Ali on his other thigh, and then embraced us and said: "O Allah! Please be Merciful to them, as I am merciful to them." (Bukhari)

Spending Time With Children

2007-03-03T10:43:00.000Z

muslimonline.com

The home of today has become very much like a hotel. Strangers stumble in and out at odd hours, each one doing his own little thing. "The family" has now almost become just a fond memory. "The family" having meals together is a rare occasion. Just sitting together and chatting is even more rare.

Part of the blame can be apportioned to the fast, demanding pace of life in the modern and
"advanced" world we are living in. The other part can be attributed to the lack of will and the apathy on the part of members of the family to get together more often. Every one seems quite happy with leading his/her "own life".

Parents have a responsibility to bind the family. Upbringing plays an important part on how close off-spring will be with their parents and among themselves in later life. If they have grown up comfortably in a cold, detached home environment, the "hotel-type" home, they can hardly be expected to take much interest in family affairs later on.

Parents need to spend time with their children daily - Quality Time. Quality time means a time of day or night when neither of them or their children are tired or occupied with other things. Try to fix a time daily so that a regular pattern can be set. Sit down as a family. Talk. Discuss. Ask children about school. How did the day go. What did they learn. What was exciting, etc. Tell them about your own work, your day. Children are good talkers. They get excited. They need to express themselves; their feelings and emotions. Give them this opportunity to talk. They need it. You will be surprised how much you do not know about your child's life.

Parents should never regard this daily get-together as a small or unimportant part of their lives. It is vital. This togetherness will convince your children that you are interested in them. This will motivate and encourage them to perform better in all what they do.

This daily get-together will also lead to the bonding of the family, which is so important for the family and the children, especially. Today the family unit is slowly disintegrating all over the world. What is more sad is that it is even happening to Muslim homes and families.

A strongly-bonded family will produce a stable and strong child. Otherwise the child will suffer psychological disorders that become progressively worse. Such a child eventually becomes a lost cause; a liability to his/her family and to society at large. The implications for society in a neglected child are enormous. This is very sad and unfortunate for the neglected child. It is also dangerous for the future of the child. Such a child will easily be influenced by outsiders and alien influences, as s/he will not find fulfilment in the home. Such a child could end-up becoming a drug-addict or even a criminal. Parents may be in for a rude shock and could possibly realise the harm only after it is too late to really reverse the damage. May Allah save our children from such a day.

A good way to get going with the family-evening is to assist children with their school work. Get them to bring their school bag and books along. Look at their work, even if you do not understand much! Ask them a few questions about the work they have learnt; from their books. Help them along with their Islamic Studies as well. Listen keenly to their Qur^Òan recitation lesson. Ensure they have learnt all Islamic Studies lessons for the next day. Get them to complete other school work.

Finally, talk to them for a few minutes about good manners, good behaviour, the importance of discipline and hard work. Narrate to them some interesting anecdote from which they could learn a lesson or moral. If possible read to them for a few minutes from a good Islamic book or Kitaab. All of this will go a very long way to developing your child into a highly successful adult.

Playing With Children

2007-03-02T23:46:00.000Z

How many times do we see parents who do not enjoy the compay of children, they are far too serious.. We know the accounts of Prophet Muhammad playing with children, we know how Prophet Muhammad would give piggy-back rides to kids, on one occassion he even gave a ride from outside the city limits to the center of the city to children on his shoulders, arms and around him, maybe even clinging to his leg - and Allah knows best.

Gabalah Ibn Saheem related that he entered the company of Muawiya Ibn Abu Sufian during his rule. He had a rope around his neck which was drawn by a child (i.e. similar to a cowboy playing with a lasoo). Gabbalah exclaimed 'You do that! Prince of the Fidels!?!'. His statement was supposed to be a repreimand i.e.he was criticising the Caliph for playing with the kid. To this, Muawiya said to him, 'Bequiet fool! I have heard Allah's Messenger saying, "Whoso has got a child, should behave with him as if he were a child too"'. [Ref: Daleel al-Saliheen, p. 77]

And so we see that the Muslim who uderstand his faith realises that playing and entertaining a child is just as important as ruling a nation, or their household. Life is about balance, far too often we hear people saying 'be Islamic' - what the criticiser fails to realise is that playing with children they ARE 'being Islamic'. We should not allow the character and beauty of Islam be removed from it, otherwise we will simply be left with a series of mechanical actions. May Allah have mercy and teach us all compassion and good character, ameen.

Building a Child's Self Esteem

2007-01-23T10:37:00.000Z

islamicschool.net

"O ye people! Worship your guardian Lord, Who created you and those before you that ye may become righteous." Quran 2:21

Family Life Question: "Children frequently express feelings of not being liked by other children and not being able to do things before making an attempt. What are some ways to encourage self-confidence in children?"

Dear Parents:
Children who are morally and spiritually conscience develop a sense of their own self-worth. Helping our children develop healthy self-esteem is one of the most important things that parents can do for them; it is the foundation of their faith and commitment to Allah. Children need to be assured that they are a special gift from Allah and they are to dedicate their talents and resources to Thy service--this gives them value, purpose and direction for life. Through every phase of a child's development, they need provisions for moral and spiritual enrichment that encourages them to truly reverence Allah and to thus value the beauty in themselves.

"We have indeed created man in the best of molds." (Quran 95:4) There is no fault in Allah's creation; to man, Allah gave the purest and best nature. Our duty is to preserve, and nurture the distinctive character that Allah has created.

Healthy feelings about oneself or high self-esteem is best started in the home, and this needs to be cultivated in our children from birth. Thankfulness for who Allah has made us to be is based primarily on how our parents or guardians view us. Children mirror others' perception of them; they measure themselves by the standards set by those shaping their lives. A child needs our unconditional love. While we may show disapproval of wrong actions, the child still needs to feel cherished. We are guided: "...truly no one despairs of Allah's soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith." (Quran 12:87) Our unconditional compassion for our children will promote and encourage their faith in Allah and instill the thinking that "I am lovable, I am confident."

Persons with healthy self-esteem are more capable of making decisions; they exhibit thankfulness for their accomplishments, are willing to take responsibility, and are better able to cope with stressful situations. They meet and feel enthusiastic about challenges. Often a student with a high IQ and low self-esteem will do poorly in school, while a child with average ability and high self-esteem will excel. The thinking that is cultivated in a person in the early years affects his entire life.

The National PTA along with the March of Dimes has developed a program called "Parenting: The Underdeveloped Skill" to help parents learn to better communicate with their children and to nurture their youngster's self-esteem. Some steps they outline include: "

1. Showing kids how to communicate their feelings, openly and honestly, is a good place for parents to start. Children need to know that even anger and fear are to be appropriately expressed rather than bottled up. Because children learn by example, parents must let their feelings be known.

2. Listening--truly listening to children is a second key to developing good self-esteem. Having parents listen not only enhances children's good feeling about themselves, it also teaches them...(to be caring).

3. Teaching how to get along with others through negotiation and compromise is important.

4. Establishing fair, consistent discipline is one of the other building blocks of good self-esteem.

5. Giving children responsibilities--tasks that are meaningful and 'do-able' and that they can be accountable for also builds self-esteem.

6. Permitting children to make decisions (even an occasional wrong one) helps them learn good judgment.

7. Keeping a sense of humor is important. It can work wonders and helps children keep perspective on what is important.

8. Treating children lovingly, with both respect and courtesy, helps children learn that they are beautiful and worthwhile people. Parents, treat them the way you yourself want to be treated." The Parenting: The Underdeveloped Skill kit is available through the Chicago office of the National PTA.

When we build a warm and friendly relationship with our children, we establish the best opportunity for imparting strong moral and spiritual values to them--the key to high self-esteem.

Are You Raising A Muslim Child?

2007-01-23T10:32:00.000Z

By Sahar Kassaimah

Raising a Muslim child is a great responsibility that requires a lot of time, effort, and du'aa. It also requires us to understand the vast differences between raising a good child and raising a good Muslim child who understands and practices Islam.

It is very important to note this difference from the first moment of our child's life, or even before his birth. This knowledge will help us obtain a clear vision about our goals and, subsequently, about the best ways to achieve them.

Some parents raise their children to be polite and respectful, without really connecting these virtues to the teachings of Islam. They teach their children how to respect grown-ups, because "it is the polite thing to do"; to be kind to younger children because "polite kids are not to be mean to little children"; and not to lie because it is "not good to lie"; and so on…

Though there is no doubt that it is virtuous to raise a polite child, is that all that we want? Is that our only goal?

By comparing one family who chooses to raise a good child to another family whose goal is to raise a good Muslim child, we will notice vast differences between the two.

If a parent's goal is to raise a Muslim child, he/she should start thinking about this child even before its birth by choosing a Muslim partner who practices the religion and who knows how to encourage children to be good Muslims.

In this case, the father and the mother should work together, from the very beginning, to achieve their goal. They will then be able to expose their child to its religion by following the Sunnah and the advice of the Prophet (SAW).

They will also connect good manners to Islamic teachings in a simple that implants the love and the fear of Allah into the child's heart. They will tell Islamic stories that help teach the child how to choose his/her examples and models. They will also be aware of setting good examples so that their child can have honorable role models.

Simultaneously, they will teach their children about "halal" and "haram" (permissible and forbidden) and "Janah" and "Nar" (Paradise and Hell). By that time, the child will grow up as a good Muslim who understands his/her religion. He will be ready to pray because he has seen his family praying and may have even stood with them in prayers at an early stage. They will not need to exert much effort in encouraging him to fast because they would have exposed him to fasting and Ramadan at a young age.

When this child grows up, it will be clear to him that Allah (SWT) has created us to worship Him and that this life is not an eternal home, but a place where we spend a period of time and are tested by Allah (SWT). Therefore, the child might be more prepared to be patient during painful moments and be more thankful in moments of happiness because his parents taught him that "iman" (faith) is divided between patience and gratitude and that life itself is divided between grants and tests.

But, does that mean that the Muslim family who practices Islam does not require a lot of time and effort when trying to raise a good Muslim child? Of course not.

Although it would be much easier for a family its members practice Islam and present good examples for the child, the family still needs to spend a lot of time and effort in order to achieve these goals.

Unfortunately, children cannot simply drink a cup of some miracle tonic and become good Muslims or learn about Islam. They need someone to teach them, talk with them, punish them, and reward them.

Therefore, it is our role, as parents, to connect our children to Islam from their early years of life. We cannot afford to wait until our children grow up to teach them how to love or fear Allah. We cannot wait and ask the imam in the masjid (mosque) or the teacher in the Islamic school to help our teenage son or daughter learn how to pray, or how to fast.

I remember seeing a father bringing his 15-year-old son to the Islamic school so that the teacher there could teach him about his religion. When asked whether he taught the son about Islam before, the father replied, "Never, but I think it is time for him now to start learning!"

He never taught him how to pray, how to fast, or how to read Qur'an. In fact, he had never taught him anything about Islam. He never took him to the masjid because he himself never went to there. And now he wanted the teacher to teach his son about his religion? Isn't it too late to start teaching Islam at such a mature age? How can that teacher show this teenager all that he has missed during the last fifteen years of his life?

The problem is that this is not an isolated case. Many schools and masjid complain about this problem. How can a teacher who spends about two hours a week with a child teach him how to be a proper Muslim? Where were the parents earlier?

Allah (SWT) has created human beings and blessed them with the longest childhood among His creations. We have a lot to learn about life, creation, and our Creator and what we learn requires a lot of time to learn, understand, and implement. Teaching and conditioning from childhood is our best bet at retaining all of the vital information provided to us by Allah. So, childhood remains the most critical time by which to set up an Islamic foundation.

However, Allah (SWT) also gave us the potential to change ourselves. He has granted opportunities and second chances to those whose parents did not raise them to be good Muslims; through His mercy and forgiveness, He has given us all the chance to start again. Though it is not easy to accomplish, with sincerity, azeema (back bone), and mothabarah (persistence), all children can become good Muslims.

Educating your children in Ramadan

2006-09-21T09:57:00.000+01:00

Children (who has not reached puberty) are not commanded to fast. However, their parents or guardians are strongly recommended to encourage them to fast for a few days so that they get used to it and they grow up knowing of the worship of fasting as they would know that of praying. In fact this was the practise of the first women of Islam who were living around the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam. An example of that is ar-Rubayya' bint Mu'awiyyah who reported that: "The Messenger of Allah,salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam, sent a man on the morning of the day of 'Ashurah, to the residences of the Ansar, saying: 'Whoever has spent the morning fasting is to complete his fast. Whoever has not spent this morning fasting should voluntary fast for the remainder of the day.' We fasted after that announcement, as did our young children. We would go to the mosque and make toys stuffed with cotton for them to play with. If one of them started crying due to hunger, we would give them a toy to play with until it was time to eat." [al-Bukhari and Muslim.]

Dear sisters, remember that among the seven that Allah will shade under His shade on the Day of Judgement is a young man who grew up in the worship of Allah. Therefore let your children be one of these.
There are many ways to educate your children about Ramadan, the best and most important of which is to set a good example by fasting properly and behaving according to the Prophetic teachings. This is what your children will take from you first. When you are fulfilling this you can very easily [and they will accept it and practise it easilly as well] teach them what you want. Here are a few tips that you can use with your children:

1. Depending on their age, encourage them to fast a number of days up to every other day or more for those who are almost at the age of puberty. For those who are still young let them fast a day or two and praise them in front of friends and relatives for their achievement.

2. Let your children go with their father to the Masjid for Maghrib prayer and break the fast with the Muslim community to make them feel the greatness of fasting and the unity of Muslims in worshipping Allah.

3. If your children cannot fast let them eat with you at the time of Maghrib and teach them that you are breaking the fast even if they ate before.

4. Teach your children the supplication (doa) of breaking the fast.

5. Take your children to the Tarawih prayers so that they get used to it and know about it from their early age. They may sit or stay in the back of the prayer room if they get tired.

6. Teach them to give charity. Do it in front of them and tell them you are doing it because the reward increases in Ramadan.

7. Teach them to recite Qur'an regularily and inform them that the Prophet (S) used to do that in Ramadan.

8. Correct them if they behave wrongly or say unacceptable words and remind them that they are fasting or it is the month of Ramadan and behaving wrongly may alter their reward.

9. Wake them up for Suhoor [even if they don't fast] and Fajr prayer.

10. Teach them to feed the people who have fasted during the daytime (for their breaking fast) and tell them about the reward for that.

11. Dress them in the best clothes, give them a bath and take them with you to the Eid Prayer. Teach them that this is our feast and celebration and that Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and other holidays are not ours. Stress the distinction.

And remember that the Prophet salla allahu alaihi wa sallam said:
"One who is given the responsibility of the bringing up of daughters and treats them well will be a shield for him from Hell. [Bukhari and Muslim]

Beating Your Child As Punishment?

2006-08-11T18:40:00.000+01:00

islammessage.com

Both a father and a mother play an intricate role in raising the child but the mother's role is an exceptional one. Islam doesn't take this role lightly; rather there are numerous hadiths in which the Prophet gave superiority to the mother. Not because a mother's role is better than a father's but rather because mother's role are unique to only a women which cannot be performed by a father. A mother holds her baby in her womb for nine months and bares the agonizing childbirth and yet welcomes this pain with joy upon arrival of her baby. The mother spends more time with the children and spends the whole day with them performing such tasks as bathing, feeding, helping them with their homework, taking them to different activities, attending school conferences, listens to problems and performs endless duties that a child or children may demand.

Have we ever thought why the Prophet offered a daughter or son a short cut to junnah through the obedience to his/her mother? Since the child spends most of the day with his mother, a mother has a profound influence in the upbringing of the child and is responsible for a safe and secure environment at home, free of any verbal or physical abuse. A mother is full of sacrifices: she neglects her sleep time, eating time or even bathing time. It has been said, that women are half the ummah, and they raise the other half. Allah gives a woman a soft tender nature and nurturing quality that no other human being can exhibit. However, we are human beings after all, and can snap anytime, man or women, given a frustrating situation. For example, a tired mother who has, after struggling for two hours, finally managed to put her two kids to sleep, is also in the process of cooking, doing laundry may be more prone to anger if her third child decides to jump on the bed. May be out of frustration and anger scream at him or in the extreme case hit him. However, there is no excuse for violence, especially with young children.

Before a certain age, the kids don't exhibit the same understanding and receptive minds as an adult. Thus a wise person should utilize other approaches rather than beating/hitting to discipline a child. The Prophet never encouraged beating. He trained and guided his sahabas with politeness and wisdom to become the best generation. How can one expect a child under the age of understanding to respond to violence positively? Beating a child is hardly ever a proper approach. Violence only aggravates the situation further, and makes the child responsive only to violence and embeds this evil act in their personality. Prophet was against violence. As a child, Aisha (r) was often busy with her play and was sometimes a little naughty. This provoked rebuke and sometimes even a slight beating from her mother. However, the Prophet was against any punishment and told her mother about as much. One day he found Aisha sobbing, standing beside the door. Upon this, the Prophet said to the mother "You have not cared for my request, Umm-Ruman." "She carries tales against me to her father," was the explanation from her mother. "No matter what she does," said the Prophet, "she should have no beating.

"Be a good role model: By practicing gentleness and politeness yourself as parents, you will raise kids who are gentle, obedient and polite in their demeaner. Salats, Saums are important but it is also important to have a good Muslim character. One might force a young child to pray by beating but he or she as a parent has also neglected to teach them proper Islamic Ikhlas and Adhab. As stated in one of the hadith: "If Allah wills good for the people of a household, He guides them to be gentle".

Control your anger. Try to control your anger by following the steps taught by Prophet: sitting down first and then laying down or by making wudu. Don't raise your voice with children. This is hard to do especially when the mother is angry. But with practice. Self-control, and anger controlling techniques prescribed by the Sunnah, this can be approached.

Reason with them first. Before any punishment or "time-out" is ordered, reason with them first. Kids are smarter then we think and do respond well to reasoning or explanations if they are presented in a polite and gentle manner.

Punishment: Beating as a punishment at this age should not be an option. Punishment should be in the non-verbal or non-beating form. For example, taking something away from your kids such as their crayolas for a day. Pick something that they use on regular basis so they will miss its absence and thus, will be more prone to change their behavior.

Consistency: lack of consistency in parent's actions, is usually one of the biggest culprits that results in child repeating the act of disobedience. No matter what punishment you choose, the parents have to exhibit tough love in order to achieve a long-term positive change in the kids behavior.

Flexibility and Playtime: As parents we should also learn how and when to be flexible. All the parents' time should not be devoted to disciplining the child. As matter of fact, constant scolding can actually make the child more immune and stubborn. So have the time set with your kids that actually involve you physically in playing and goofing around. With the playtime with your kids, they will know you are the authority figure while realizing that you are also their friend.

Though this article assumes that the mother spends most of the time with her children, however the rest of the time is spend with the father. Thus the father bares the same responsibility for providing the child with a safe environment. "Indeed Allah is gentle and love gentleness, and gives due to gentleness that which He does not give to harshness."

Motherhood

2006-07-14T09:49:00.000+01:00

A friend forwarded this wonderful article to me - please read on..

Albalagh.net

In April President Clinton gathered an army of former presidents, state governors, city mayors and hundreds of prominent people from all 50 states to address one of the most pressing problems facing America today. He brought former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Colin Powell, to lead this army. Their task: Solve the problem of 15 million young Americans who are considered at-risk youth. "They are at risk of growing up unskilled, unlearned, or, even worse, unloved," said Powell, who was appointed chairman of President's Summit for America's Future. The problem has "the potential to explode our society," he warned.

He was not exaggerating. 15 million in a total population of about 60 million youth is a huge number. Mostly they come from dysfunctional families and fall victims to the "pathologies and poisons of the street." Every year 3.4 million of them try drugs. Half a million attempt suicide. A lot of them will drop out of high school and will be functionally illiterate in a country with free universal education. Their sexual mores differ little from those of breeding horses (70% have done it before the age of 17). Recently a prominent lawyer and writer, Alan Dershowitz, suggested reducing the age of consent to 15. (Marriage at that age will, of course, remain illegal). Violent crimes committed by these youngsters have become such a problem that in May the Congress passed the Juvenile Crime bill that allows people as young as 13 to be treated as adults in the criminal justice system.

What is Powell's solution for this daunting problem? He will find mentors -- adult volunteers who will take care of these children. But what happened to their own parents? They were not killed in a war, or by a plague, or some other natural disaster. Their problem is self-inflicted. Mothers left the home to "realize their full potential" on the factory floor, in the show room, or in the office. A society that belittled the task of home-making lost the home-makers. With the free mixing of men and women in the work place, one thing led to another. The home was destroyed from both ends.

Life is fun. Home-making is dull. Children are a burden. Now 15 million of them are a burden on the society. It remains to be seen how a society, whose members could not take care of their own children, will make them take care of other's children. But the elite team of American leaders could not bring itself to admitting that the root of the problem has been in the forcing of the women out of the home.

Former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev was a little more candid. In his 1987 bookPerestroika, he mentions the "paradoxical result of our sincere and politically justified desire to make women equal with men in everything." He notes: "women no longer have enough time to perform their everyday duties at home -- housework, the upbringing of children and the creation of a family atmosphere. We have discovered that many of our problems -- in children's and young people's behavior, in our morals, culture and in production -- are partially caused by the weakening of family ties and slack attitude to family responsibilities." Hence the question: "what we should do to make it possible for women to return to their purely womanly mission?"

Well, Gorbachev (and the world), listen to the best Teacher and Guide for humanity, Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam. He elevated the women from their status as chattel to the dignity of being equal servants of Allah with men. Yet their status in society was not conditioned upon entering man's world. Their most important task is to take care of the home and children. "Take care of your home for THAT is your Jihad." [Musnad Ahmed]. Jihad is the epitome of Islamic life. Declaring home-making as Jihad for women is giving it the highest possible status in an Islamic society.

Not only is it an all-important task, only women are uniquely qualified to do it. It is not by accident that pregnancy and nursing are purely feminine tasks. Allah has given women the special talents and psychological makeup needed to take care of the children. There is no substitute for mother's milk or mother's love. No one can extract and bottle motherly compassion. Her patience, kindness, willingness to sacrifice her own comforts, and her natural affinity for children -- and the children's natural affinity for the mother-- are the key to successful upbringing of children. A mother understands the children's problem even when they cannot express it. She can uniquely sense their needs, both physical and emotional. She can satisfy some of these herself. For others, children need the father. But even he needs her insights in discharging his responsibilities in this area. No day care center or nursery can make up for the absence of the mother and father. "What the children need for narulatheir upbringing is not a poultry farm," says Mufti Taqi Usmani.

Mothers are the silent workers who are indispensable for building character of the next generation. A believing mother who understands the crucial nature of her responsibility, will imbue her children with faith and moral values, as only she can. She will raise children with courage, honesty, truthfulness, patience and perseverance, love and kindness, faith and self-confidence. On the other hand, a society without mothers and home-makers will produce at-risk youth.

In a way their role is like that of the archer's in the battle of Uhad. It looked less important, but was the key to the fate of the entire army. If women hold on to their front, the entire army will succeed. If they leave it for "greater action" elsewhere, everyone will lose.

Children and Happiness

2006-06-27T22:13:00.000+01:00

open2.net

What makes children happy? ‘That’s easy,' you might say, ‘a new toy, an ice cream or a trip to the amusement park.’ While these things bring an immediate smile to many children’s faces, they are probably not the things that will keep them happy day by day, or turn them into happy adults.

Even though we might all like to know the key to happiness, there is actually relatively little psychological research on this topic. In the past psychologists have tended to focus on how disorders involving negative mood can be prevented rather than how happiness can be achieved. However, more recently psychologists, notably Professor Martin Seligman, have developed what they call ‘positive psychology’: the study of happiness and well-being.

One somewhat surprising finding is that research disproves the common notion that being rich makes people happy. While it is true that living under very deprived circumstances is related to being unhappy, once people’s income exceeds the poverty level further increases in wealth do not lead to corresponding increases in happiness. One example to illustrate this point is that, if wealth did lead to happiness, we might expect people in today’s society to be much happier than in the past decades as we are earning much more. However, studies across the globe have shown that, in spite of great increases in income since the 1950s and 1960s, levels of happiness have remained pretty much the same.

Why have these improvements in life circumstances not resulted in lasting changes in happiness? There seem to be two reasons why wealth does not lead to any lasting change in happiness. One is people’s changing aspirations: once you have more, you also want more. The other reason is social comparison: once you see what other people have you are less satisfied with your own possessions. This last point is well put by Marx: ‘A house may be large or small; as long as the surrounding houses are equally small, it satisfies social demands for a dwelling. But if a palace rises beside the little house, the little house shrinks into a hut.' These same reasons might partly be why the happiness of the child’s new toy is often short-lived!

Instead of wealth leading to happiness, research time and again has shown that good relationships are necessary for lasting happiness. This brings us directly to children, because children’s relationships with their parents (or other primary caregivers) are the starting point for happiness. Professor John Bowlby, a pioneer in the study of parent-child attachment, believed that this relationship has enormous influence in shaping a child’s self-esteem, her expectations of other people and view of the world in general.

Professor Mary Ainsworth was the first to develop a way of formally classifying the different types of relationships that exist between parents and children. Her test, called the ‘Strange Situation’, involves observing toddlers’ reactions during a series of separations and reunions with the parent. Securely attached toddlers protest when the parent leaves but are quickly comforted when they return, whereas insecurely attached infants continue to cry or avoid the parent when they return. Prof. Ainsworth’s own work, and that by others using the Strange Situation, shows that securely attached toddlers typically go on to have more positive, less troublesome relationships than insecurely attached toddlers, including relationships with friends, with romantic partners, and even their own future children. A happy note is that having a bad childhood does not necessarily doom children to repeat the same negative pattern with their own children. If a parent has reflected on their bad childhood, attempting to make sense of past events, they are less likely to repeat the same negative pattern.

While relationships are extremely important for children’s happiness, another important ingredient is called mastery. This means that children are happy when they have something they are ‘good at’, and when their family and other important people in their lives notice and appreciate these skills. However, children should not be so focused on goals that they feel their happiness depends directly on achieving them. For example, a child who enjoys playing football for the game is likely to be made happier by the experience than one who can only feel happy if the team achieves a win. The tendency to feel that happiness is dependent on achieving particular goals is called ‘conditional goal setting’—‘If I score a goal in the game, then I will be happy’. This is a style of thinking that is associated with depression in both children and adults.

Up until now we have been considering how life events and circumstances contribute to happiness. However it is important to keep in mind that a large part, perhaps even more than half, is dictated by genetic factors. For example, studies have found that siblings who were raised in different families show striking similarities in the level of happiness, whereas unrelated children living in the same families do not. These types of findings may partly be attributable to the link between personality, known to be quite heritable, and happiness: people with extroverted personalities tend to be happier than those with more introverted, ‘neurotic’ personalities.

Research does show that some basic aspects of the brain circuits involved in emotion are in place from very early in life. Professor Richard Davidson, an expert in the brain bases of emotion, has shown that people whose brains are more active in the left frontal area tend to be more positive, outgoing, and smile more; by contrast people who show the opposite pattern of more activity in the right tend to report more negative thoughts, be more shy, and smile less. While this basic pattern can change as peoples’ feelings change from moment to moment during the day, it is estimated that about 60% of the variation between adults reflects the stable characteristics of the person.

Professor Davidson and his colleague Professor Nathan Fox have shown that a similar relationship between brain activity and emotion is seen even in newborns. They gave newborns either a sweet taste or a sour taste to induce positive or negative emotions, and then measured brain activation using the electroencephalogram (EEG). Newborns showed greater left frontal brain activation while smiling for the sweet taste but greater right frontal activation when showing disgust for the sour taste. Studies of older infants show the same type of results: at 10 months of age infants displaying right frontal brain activation are more likely to cry when their mother leaves than those displaying left frontal activation.

Do these types of studies mean that a child’s level of happiness is ‘set’ from the very beginning of life? The answer to this question seems to be ‘no’ - as we saw earlier on, life events and circumstances contribute as well. Moreover, particularly during development, the aspects of happiness reflected in the EEG measures are changeable. For example, when Professor Fox and his colleagues followed up a group of children who had shown high levels of shyness and right frontal activation at 9 months of age, they found that some of the children continued to show the right frontal pattern at 14 months and continued to be quite shy even at 4 years. However, some showed a shift to a more left frontal pattern at 14 months of age and were less shy by 4 years. While this study does not tell us what factors led some children to remain very shy and others to become less shy, it does suggest that it is possible to change a child’s basic emotional outlook. Interestingly, children themselves are quite optimistic about changing the negative: while 5 to 6 year-olds feel it is quite hard to change negative physical traits, they feel it is quite easy to change negative psychological traits (e.g., being very shy/fearful). This optimism seems to diminish by 7 to 10 years of age however, as children, like adults, come to believe that negative psychological traits are relatively difficult to change.

What, then, makes children happy? In the long term, the basic ingredients that make children happy during childhood seem to be the same ones that help them to become happy adults: a secure relationship with parents gives the base to confidently explore the world and develop a sense of mastery and recognition, all important components in the recipe for happiness. However, in the short term, the new toy might provide a smile too!

Teaching Your Child About Islam

2006-06-06T14:05:00.000+01:00

by Freda Shamma PhD

Children are born in a state of fitra (purity) and then their parents teach them to be believers or unbelievers. According to the Musnad Ibn Hanbal, "The children of the unbelievers are better than you grown-ups. Every living creature is born with a righteous nature." It is our obligation and duty as parents to teach our children so that they grow up to be believing, practicing Muslims. Sending the child to an Islamic weekend school or to a full-time Islamic school is an important but minor part of their Islamic education. The major 'institution of learning' for each child is his family, and the major 'professors' of this institution are the parents.

ROLE MODELING
The most effective way to teach anything to anybody is to be a role model. This is why Allah sent human beings as prophets to all peoples. Whether we willingly accept this job or not, it is a fact that your child learns how to function in life by watching what you do. Even the absent parent is role modeling to the degree that a boy, whose father abandoned his family, will probably treat his own children the same way.
Every time we deal with our children, we are teaching them, whether we intend to or not. There is a famous poem by an anonymous author that depicts this vividly. It begins:

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

Therefore we must examine carefully how we deal with our child in order to have a desirable end result. This same poem continues:
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

POSITIVE VS. NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT
As the above poem indicates, negative comments and treatment result in negative attributes in our children, and positive comments and treatment result in positive results. The term 'positive and negative reinforcement' is popular in modern psychology, but it was advocated by the Qu'ran and the actions and sayings of Prophet Muhammad (May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him), 1400 years ago. How do we use positive reinforcement to teach our children?

Young children are basically good. Furthermore they want to please their parents. When you praise them for their good behavior by telling them that Papa and/or Mama is happy with their action, you are using positive reinforcement. Unfortunately many parents ignore their child's good actions and only comment on the bad actions.

INTEGRATING ISLAM INTO LIFE
One of the most important aspects of raising your children to be Muslims is to introduce the idea that Allah is also happy with their good actions. If you say that what they did or are doing is making you and Allah happy, then the child begins to associate good behavior with acting for the pleasure of Allah, which in a nutshell, is exactly what being a good Muslim involves. Can you say anything better of a believer other than that he/she does everything fi sabillah (for the sake of Allah)?

BAD CHILDREN
The child who errs is forgiven by Allah, and if he dies in childhood, he automatically goes to heaven. This mercy of Allah should guide us as we guide our children. It is not necessary to make the child fearful of Allah or fearful of going to hell. In fact, this approach is counter productive - it often achieves the very result we are trying to avoid. Stressing the negative and the punishment makes the child want to avoid anything to do with the religion. He or she grows up thinking that it is religion that keeps him from enjoying life.

ATTRIBUTES OF ALLAH
When you are talking to children under the age of twelve, stress the characteristics of Allah that will give him security and assurances as he grows and encounters fearful situations and unknowns. He needs to be aware of the many blessings Allah has given to him to help him enjoy and cope with his life. And he needs to understand which actions Allah will be pleased with, rather than worry over punishment for mistakes he knows he will make.

ISLAM AND DAILY LIFE
Too often when parents think about talking to their children about Islam, they concentrate on the ritual of the five pillars. They teach them how to make salat (required prayer), and they teach them some short Qur'anic surat (chapters). These are important, but don't forget that Islam is a total way of life, and every aspect has an Islamic element that you need to talk about and demonstrate for your child. When the father goes off to work, the mother can say 'Good bye' or she can say 'Assalamu alaikum' and add its meaning in English, 'may Allah's peace be with you". As she and the young child start to do something together, she can mention that the father is doing what Allah says a good father should do - working to take care of the family. She can also mention, and the father should also mention it frequently, that she is trying to please Allah by doing many things to help her child and the family. When the child helps her mother clean off the table, the mother should mention that Allah is pleased with children who help their parents. Mentioning the Islamic aspect does not imply nor suggest that you need to deliver lectures about Islam to your child. No child wants to sit still long enough to hear a lecture about anything. The effective teaching comes as short comments or stories that point out the Islamic nature of the action. When the parents pay zakat (yearly compulsory tax), they should mention the fact to their children. When they visit the sick, they should quote a Qur'anic ayah (verse) or hadith (story about Prophet Muhammad) which indicates that this action pleases Allah. When there are two ways that a child can respond to a situation, the parent can mentions nicely which way will be pleasing to Allah.

The constant reference to Allah, the constant encouragement to do what is right, and the constant praise and positive reinforcement for doing the right actions, will focus your child on the right path.

More...

A Little Story...A Mother's Courage and Sacrifice

2006-05-18T15:02:00.000+01:00

Muslimtents.com

Asma, daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (Radi Allahu Anhuma) was the mother of Abdullah ibn Az-Zubair (Radi Allahu Anhu). He was nephew of Aishah (Radi Allahu Anha), wife of the Prophet ((Sallallahu 'Alayhi wa Sallam). His birth alone was a miracle, he was the first Muslim to be born in the city of Al-Madinah and was a sign of the lies and deceptions of the Jews of the time.

Abdullah Ibn Az-Zubair (Radi Allahu Anhu) became Commander of the Faithful with Holy Makkah as his capital, extending his rule over Hijaz, Yemen, Basra, Kufa, Khurasan, and Syria except Damascus. The inhabitants of all these provinces swore the oath of allegiance to him. But the Ummayyads were not satisfied. Restless, they waged continuous wars, most of which ended in their defeat. Nothing changed until Abd Al Malik Ibn Marawan ordered one of the most harsh, criminal, cruel, and merciless human beings to attack Abdullah in Makkah. This was Al-Hajaj Ath-Thaqafiy, who was described by 'Umar Ibn Abd Al-'Aziz: "If all nations were to weigh together their sins, and we came with Al-Hajaj only, the balance would sway to our part."
Al-Hajaj personally led his army to invade Makkah, Abdullah Ibn Az-Zubair's capital. He besieged it nearly six months, preventing the provision of water and food to force people to abandon Abdullah. Under the severe pressure of hunger, a large number of fighters surrendered and Abdullah found himself almost alone. Although chances to save his life and soul were still available, he decided to carry out his responsibilities to the very end. He went on fighting with legendary courage, although he was 70 years old at that time.

He went to meet his mother Asma now an old blind woman. Let’s reflect on this beautiful conversation between a mother and her son. We will only grasp the full image of that situation if we listen to the conversation which took place between Abdullah and his mother, the great and noble Asma' Bint Abu Bakr, a short while before his death. He went to her presenting the whole situation and what seemed to be his destiny.

"Peace be on you, Mother, and the mercy and blessings of Allah."
"Unto you be peace, Abdullah,” she replied. "What is it that brings you here at this hour while boulders from Hajjaj's catapults are raining down on your soldiers in the Haram and shaking the houses of Makkah?"
"I came to seek your advice," he said.
"To seek my advice?" she asked in astonishment. "About what?"
"The people have deserted me out of fear of Hajjaj or being tempted by what he has to offer. Even my children and my family have left me. There is only a small group of men with me now and however strong and steadfast they are they can only resist for an hour or two more. Messengers of the Banu Umayyah (the Umayyads) are now negotiating with me, offering to give me whatever worldly possessions I want, should I lay down my arms and swear allegiance to Abdul Malik ibn Marwan. What do you think?"
Raising her voice, she replied: "it's your affair, Abdullah, and you know yourself better. If however you think that you are right and that you are standing up for the Truth, then persevere and fight on as your companions who were killed under your flag had shown perseverance. If however you desire the world, what a miserable wretch you are. You would have destroyed yourself and you would have destroyed your men.”
"But I will be killed today, there is no doubt about it."
"That is better for you than that you should surrender yourself to Hajjaj voluntarily and that some favourite child or slave of Banu Umayyah should play with your head.
"I do not fear death. I am only afraid that they will mutilate me.”
“There is nothing after death that man should be afraid of. Skinning does not cause any pain to the slaughtered sheep.”

Abdullah's face beamed as he said: "What a blessed mother! Blessed be your noble qualities! I have come to you at this hour to hear what I have heard. Allah knows that I have not weakened or despaired. He is witness over me that I have not stood up for what I have out of love for this world and its attractions but only out of anger for the sake of Allah. His limits have been transgressed. Here am I, going to what is pleasing to you. So if I am killed, do not grieve for me and commend me to Allah.
"I shall grieve for you," said the aging but resolute Asma’, "only if you are killed in a vain and unjust cause.
“Be assured that your son has not supported an unjust cause, nor committed any detestable deed, nor done any injustice to a Muslim or a Dhimmi and that there is nothing better in his sight than the pleasure of Allah, the Mighty, the Great. I do not say this to exonerate myself. Allah knows that I have only said it to make your heart firm and steadfast. "
"Praise be to Allah who has made you act according to what He likes and according to what I like. Come close to me, my son, that I may smell and feel your body for this might be the last meeting with you.”

Abdullah knelt before her. She hugged him and smothered his head, his face and his neck with kisses. Her hands began to squeeze his body when suddenly she withdrew them and asked:

"What is this you are wearing, Abdullah?"
"This is my armour plate.”
"This, my son, is not the dress of one who desires martyrdom. Take it off. That will make your movements lighter and quicker. Wear instead the sirwal (a long under garment) so that if you are killed your awrah will not be exposed.”

Abdullah took off his armor plate and put on the sirwal. As he left for the Haram to join the fighting he said: "My mother, don't deprive me of your dua (prayer).”
Raising her hands to heaven, she prayed: "O Lord, have mercy on his staying up for long hours and his loud crying in the darkness of the night while people slept... "O Lord, have mercy on his hunger and his thirst on his Journeys from Madinah and Makkah while he fasted... "O Lord, bless his righteousness to his mother and his father... "O Lord, I commend him to Your cause and I am pleased with whatever You decree for him. And grant me for his sake the reward of those who are patient and who persevere.

They embraced each other and exchanged a farewell look. After one hour of fierce, unparalleled battle, the martyr received a deadly stroke. By sunset, Abdullah was dead. Al-Hajaj, cruel, cunning, and deceiving as he was, insisted on crucifying the Lifeless body. Abdullah's mother, went to see her crucified son. Like a high towering mountain, his mother stood in front of him when Al-Hajaj approached with shame and humiliation and said, "O Mother, the Commander of the Faithful 'Abd Al-Malik Ibn Marwan has recommended me to treat you well. Do you need anything?"

She shouted, " I'm not your mother. I'm the mother of that one crucified on the cross. I don't need you. But I'm going to tell you a hadith which I heard from the Prophet (PBUH). He said, ‘He will emerge from Thaqif, a liar and a vicious one.’ We have already seen the liar and the vicious one. I don't think he's anyone else but you."

Just over ten days later, his mother joined him. She was a hundred years old. Age had not made her infirm nor blunted the keenness of her mind.

Reminding each other..The Doa of A Mother

2006-05-13T13:54:00.000+01:00

Dearest Muslim Mums,

I would like to remind mothers all over the world to always, always pray(doa) for your children. Not just for the usual things we pray for after the solat like their health, obedience, success, welfare and the hereafter but also for daily things that you would like them to be. The Prophet (SAW) said that the doa of a compassionate and loving person (i.e. a mother) will not be ignored, and thus mothers, you must use this tool everyday in bringing up your children!

For example, unremarkable everyday problems like when you need to potty train your children. You can prepare yourself and your child by doa to Allah everyday before starting to train your child so that He will make it easier for you to teach him. InsyaAllah He will make it easier for you. Or when you have sleepless nights because your baby likes to cry at night, doa to Allah to help your baby sleep peacefully throughout the night. InsyaAllah He will help you. Or when you want to start to teach your child to read. Or when you want to take away his pacifier. Or when your child does not listen to your instructions and you want him to be more mindful of your advices. Or a more obvious example is when your child is not feeling well, doa to Allah to make him better soon and that the sickness will not worsen. In short, anything at all when dealing with your children, you must doa, on top of all the other methods you are using. Remember, Allah understands all languages and from my own humble experience, Allah will always listen to a mother's prayer, insyaAllah. Just believe!

Below is a useful article I found about doa or supplication. I hope you will find it useful and enlightening. Wallahua'lam.

TRANSLATED INTRODUCTION FROM SUPPLICATIONS FROM QU'RAN AND SUNNAH
Compiled by Saeed bin Ali Al-Qahtani
Translated by Omm Rafiq
Part I
Virtues of Supplication (Dua) Ayah: "And your Lord says: Call on me; I will answer (your prayer). But those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell in humiliation." [Ghafur / Mu'min: 60]
Ayah: "When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them). I listen to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me. . ." [Baqarah:186]
Hadith: "Dua is (a form) of worship; your Lord said, "Call on Me; I will answer you (your prayer).
Hadith: "Verily, your Lord (Blessed is He and Almighty) is alive, generous and if His servant raises his hands towards Him, He feels reluctant not to return anything to him."
Hadith: "Any Muslim who supplicates Allah with a supplication that does not contain any sin or cutting off of family relations, Allah will give him one of three things for it:
1. Either He will speedily answer his dua
2. or He will save it for him until the Hereafter
3. or He will avert something bad from him equal to the value of his dua.
(Explanation: a dua has a certain relative value determined by Allah, so if a person says a particular dua, say 15 times in a day, then Allah protects him from something bad that is equal to the valued amount of his dua.)

Part II
Customs and Manners of Making duas and the Causes for their Being Answered:
1. Faithfulness to Allah
2. To start with thanking Allah and praising Him and then giving salat on the Prophet (SAW) and ending the dua with the same.
3. To be serious in dua and certain that it will be answered
4. Persistence in the dua and not rushing it (Hadith says don't rush or be impatient. Don't say "I prayed for such and such a thing and Allah didn't answer my prayer. Allah dislikes that.)
5. To put your heart into the dua -- make it from your heart (even if you are reading the words, i.e., mean what you say)
6. Say dua in times of crises as well as times that are good -- don't just say dua in times of need only.
7. Ask Allah alone -- and no one else.
8. Do not make dua against someone's family or money or child or life -- that is, don't say I wish that that person's family be destroyed, or I pray that she loses all her money, or I wish his oldest son would fail or I wish that he would die.
9. Make dua in a moderately low voice -- not silent yet not completely out loud.
10. Know your sins (faults) and seek forgiveness for them and know and acknowledge the benefits and blessings you have been given and thank Allah for them.
11. The oppressor should make amends for what he has done and repent.
12. Turn to Allah with humility, desire and fear of Him.
13. Do not use rhymed prose when making dua.
14. The supplication is (said) three (times). [Hadith that states that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) when making dua, repeated it 3 times.]
15. Face the Qiblah when making dua.
16. Raise the hands during dua [sunnah, not wajib]
17. Make wudu before making dua when possible.
18. Don't pray for injurious or harmful things to happen to people (like praying someone has an unfortunate mishap, or falls down, or chokes or breaks his leg, etc.) Also remember, that the Angels say "Ameen" and the same for you," after your dua.
19. The person making dua should start with himself if he is going to pray for someone else.
20. To make intercession to Allah by use of His beautiful Names and superior Attributes, or by some good deed that the supplicator performed or by the dua of a good man living, who is in his presence (e.g., asking someone who is a good Muslim to make dua for you)
21. That the food and drink and clothing is halal and of a halal source
22. Do not make dua for a sin or cutting off of family ties.
23. To order that which is good and forbid that which is forbidden
24. Distancing one's self from all types of sin.

PART III
THE PREFERRED TIMES, CONDITIONS AND PLACES SUPPLICATIONS ARE ANSWERED: (bearing in mind that one can make dua at any time and in any place; however, the following are the most preferable times, conditions and places.)
1. Lailatul Qadr
2. Deep in the last third of the night
3. Immediately after the mandatory prayers
4. Between the adhan and iqamah
5. An hour during every night -- [hadith states that Allah comes down to the sky of the earth during the last 3rd of the night and hears the duas of the believers]
6. At the time of the call to the mandatory prayers
7. At the time of rain
8. During jihad when the ranks of fighters (mujahidoun) advance in the path of Allah
9. An hour every Friday -- the soundest opinion regarding this hour is the last hour between the hours of Asr on the day of Juma, and it could be the hour of the khutba and salat.
10. At the time of drinking Zamzam water with true intentions
11. During sajda
12. At the time of waking up at night and there are hadith regarding what the Prophet r said in these duas
13. If you sleep after having made wudu then wake up at night and then make supplication
14. After you say dua Yunus, make your personal dua or one from Qur'an or sunnah and it is La illah ila Allah subhannaka inni kuntu min al thaalimeen.
15. Dua of people after the death of a person (e.g. the dua of a person who is praying for someone who has just died)
16. Dua after praising Allah and giving salat on the Prophet (SAW) in the tashah-hud at the end of salat. Make your dua before the 2 tasleems.
17. At the time of dua, call upon Allah by the greatest of His names that, if called by them, He answers, and if asked by them, He gives (e.g. Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem, Ya Thal Jalaali wal Ikraam, Ya Al Ahad As Samad, lam yalid wa lam yulad wa lam yakum kuf wan ahad)
18. The dua of a Muslim for his brother or sister Muslim stemming from the heart.
19. Dua on the Day of Arafat
20. Dua during the month of Ramadan
21. Dua at the time of a Muslim gathering for the purpose of remembering Allah.
22. Dua at the time of a crisis by saying Inna lilahi wa inna ilaihi raje'oon, Allahuma ajurni fi museebati, wa akhlif li khairun minha. Verily, we belong to Allah, and verily, to Him is our return. O Allah, Bless me in my problem and replace it for me with something better than it.
23. Dua when the heart reaches out to Allah and is ready to be totally sincere
24. Dua of the oppressed against the one who is oppressing him
25. Dua of the father or mother for the son
26. Dua of the traveler
27. Dua of the one fasting until he breaks his fast.
28. Dua of the one fasting at the time of breaking fast
29. Dua of a desperate person
30. Dua of a just imam
31. Dua of a son or daughter obedient to his or her parents
32. Dua immediately after wudu saying what has been mentioned in the hadith that is directly related to it (ablution)
33. Dua after stoning the jamrat sughra during Hajj
34. Dua after stoning the jamrat wusta during Hajj.
35. Dua made inside the Ka'aba and the dua of one who prays inside the hijr Ismail as it is part of the bait Allah.[This is the semicircle to the right of the Ka'aba if you face the door.]
36. Dua on the mount of Safa during Umrah or Hajj
37. Dua on the mount of Marwa during Umrah or Hajj
38. Dua at any of the holy sites.
Note: The believer can call to his Lord at any time, wherever he is but these times and conditions and places are special and more care should be taken.

Note: All of these circumstances are substantiated by hadith.

Ya Ummi

2006-05-10T16:09:00.000+01:00

A Nasheed by Sami Yusuf

Blessed is your face,
Blessed is your name,
My beloved,

Blessed is your smile,
Which makes my soul wants to fly,
My beloved,

All the nights and all the time you cared for me,
But I never realized now it's too late forgive me,
Now I’m alone filled with so much shame
For all the years I’ve caused you pain.
If only I could sleep in your arms again,
Mother, I’m lost without you.

You were the sun that brightens my day,
Now who’s gonna wipe my tears away?
If only I knew what I know today,
Mother, I’m lost without you.

Can Muslims Celebrate Mother's Day?

2006-05-07T16:57:00.000+01:00

by Hesham A. Hassaballa

There was a time in my life when I thought Mother's Day to be a holiday of the "infidels," not worthy of celebration by a Muslim. Time and wisdom have taught me otherwise. Mother's Day is an American cultural practice that is wholly consistent with Islam's principles.

The Qur'an places kindness to the parents on par with proper worship of God: "Worship and serve God, do not associate any partners with Him, and do good to your parents..."(4:36). The textual juxtaposition of worshipping God and honoring the parents is not coincidental. Maltreatment of parents is one of the most deadly sins in all of Islam. Furthermore, God implores believers to extend the hand of mercy to their parents: "Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: 'My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood'" (17:23-24).

After God, my mother has been the source of my strength, my success, my life-force. Everything I am I owe to her. She taught me how to be a man; how to be a husband; how to be a father; how to be a son. Most importantly, she gave me God, and she taught me how to worship and see Him in everything that I do. She ingrained in me the importance of developing a personal relationship with God and developing that relationship throughout my life. Had it not been for my mother, I most probably would not have either known or discovered the beauty of the worship and love of God.

This Mother's Day, however, and every Mother's Day thereafter, in fact, is even more special. I live with another mother who is as important to me: my wife. She is nothing short of a miracle for me. She came to me during the darkest days of my spiritual life, in the depths of my loneliness. She was a precious gift from God, a diamond in the rough. Her amazing character, her fortitude, her maturity, her strength of will is nothing short of inspiring to me. I thank God from the depths of my heart for this most undeserved blessing.

I feed off of her strength. I was in awe of her strength after seeing her endure two difficult pregnancies. She showed her true magnanimity, however, soon after we returned from the Hajj. When our daughter was diagnosed with a crippling genetic disorder, Ataxia-Telangiectasia, my wife was surely devastated. I knew she was crying, no screaming, inside, but tears rarely streamed down her beautiful countenance. She, like me, decided to move on, and she was determined to help our daughter the best way she can.

She continually pushed me to be firm with reluctant insurance companies who did not want to pay for this test or that. She refused to back down when she was told, "No." Even today, as we plan to put our daughter into the public school system, my wife is an unrelenting advocate for our daughter's best interests. She is nothing short of an inspiration.

She does all this after taking care of and educating thirty children of other parents, as my wife teaches the fourth grade full time. She does all this and still does everything she can to tend to the sometimes selfish needs of our family. She does all this while putting up with my occasional selfish stupidity. The compassion she has for our children, even in the depths of fatigue, overflows from her heart. She is truly an amazing woman, and her strength outshines mine hundreds of times over. There is no way on earth I could do what she does day in and day out. She is nothing short of an inspiration.

A man once came to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be unto him) and asked him, "To which of my parents do I owe the most allegiance?" He replied, "Your mother." The man then asked, "Then who?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother." The man repeated, "Then who?" The Prophet said yet again, "Your mother." The man then asked, "Then who?" The Prophet then said, "Your father."

As I reflect on this Mother's Day, invariably the saying of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also comes to mind: "Paradise is underneath the foot of the mother." How true that statement is. Growing up with my mom and living with my wife have made me truly understand why the Prophet stressed allegiance to one's mother. I proudly kiss my mother's hand in public, and if she would let me, I would kiss my wife's hand in public as well!

This Mother's Day, as we go out to dinner, or gather at someone's home, or call our mothers and say hello, let us reflect a little more on the greatness of our mothers. Let us start kissing our mothers' hands in public and be proud of doing so. If I were smarter, I would do all that I could to literally follow the footsteps of my mother and my wife, because it is there that I will find Paradise.

Nurturing Islam From the Womb

2006-05-06T00:41:00.000+01:00

Dearest Muslim Mothers,

The spiritual education process must start from the moment a child is conceived in your womb. This is a useful guide as to how you can do this from conception to birth:

In Islam, pregnant mothers are encouraged to recite the Quran more often than normal, especially of the Surah Yusuf, Maryam, Luqman and At-Taubah.
An expectant mother must always perform the doa to Allah to ask for a child that is soleh/ solehah, who will be knowledgeable, who has iman (faith in Allah), taqwa and an honorable character.
It is very important for parents to buy any food and nourishment for the family with money that is halal i.e. money earned from sources that are halal as the seed which will grow inside the mother must be from halal flesh and blood.
A pregnant mother must eat nutritious food and take care of her health. Cleanliness must be maintained in preparing food to ensure health of the babyin the womb. The health of a pregnant mother is so important in Islam that a pregnant mother may break her fast if she was fasting on that day, if in any way the fast is detrimental to herself or her child.
After the birth, the father must immediately recite the adzhan in the baby's right ear and the iqamah in the left ear in accordance with the Prophet's practice when Fatimah gave birth to his grandchild, Hasan. (Hadith by Abu Daud and at-Tarmizi)

Next, according to sunnah, a small bit of tamar (squashed) or some honey is put in the baby's mouth first before any milk from the mother's breast. (Hadith by Bukhari and Muslim)
On the baby's 7th day, it is sunnah for the parents of the baby to give charity by performing the aqiqah for the child; 1 goat for a boy or 2 for a girl. It is also sunnah for his/her hair to be shaved clean so that the the baby has a clean head, with an intelligent mind and his/her new hair will grow well.
A breast-feeding mother must eat good food which is halal, clean and nutritious. While breast feeding, she must consistently pray in her heart (recite the doa) for her child's well being and success in life and the hereafter. While putting him to sleep with a lullaby, the mother should choose to sing a lullaby that praises Allah and his Messenger.
And finally, when the child starts talking, his/her parents should always use good and kind words to him and practice the zikr and salawat with/ in front of the child.

A Little Story...Abu Salamah and Ummu Salamah

2006-05-05T16:56:00.000+01:00

Abu Salamah and his wife were indeed a very loving couple. One day Ummu Salamah said to Abu Salamah, ‘I heard from the Prophet that if a husband and his wife are both given permission to enter heaven, then the husband will be together again with his wife if the wife did not marry anybody else after her husband’s passing. And it goes the same way with the wife. She will be together again with her husband if he did not marry again after her passing. Promise me, then, between us, we will not remarry if one of us dies.’ Abu Salamah replied, ‘Will you obey me, wife?’ To which she answered, ‘That is the reason why I am having this discussion with you, in order to obey your decision.’
Abu Salamah then said, ‘I want you to remarry if I die before you.’ And then, Abu Salamah prayed; ‘Ya Allah, after my death, bless Ummu Salamah with a husband who is better than me, who will not cause her sorrow or hardship.’ And when Abu Salamah died later due to an old wound from the Battle of Uhud, Ummu Salamah was offered by none other than Rasulullah himself to which she accepted.

Assalamualaikum.

2006-05-05T16:23:00.000+01:00

Hello there. I am a mother aged 30. I have 2 young children aged 2 and 5 and we are living in London with my husband and father to the children. This blog is for me to post anything I find to be interesting and useful for muslim mothers like myself. Feel free to comment or leave any suggestions under the entries. I welcome stories too from anyone who cares to share their experiences with me. Looking forward for this journey. Wassalam.